|
FIVE SISTERS ~ REUNION & WEDDING UPDATE Posted Friday, October 19, 2001 byLittlebird Published in the Asbury Park Press 10/17/01
Bride gets wedding gift she will cherish forever
By JOE ADELIZZI TOMS RIVER BUREAU
For Evelyn Granit-Palmer, there could have been no better wedding present than being joined at the altar by her four sisters.
Saturday marked the first time the five of them had been together since their family separated 50 years ago, after their parents were ruled unfit.
A lot has changed since then, including Evelyn's marriage to Edward Palmer in the chapel at Allaire State Park.
Fifty years ago, the family lived in Long Branch. When their parents were ruled unfit, the girls were taken to the Family and Children Society in town, Evelyn said. She was about 13 at the time. Gail Taylor, whose name was then Edith, was 2, and sister Judy Taylor, then known as Pat, was 3.
The two younger girls were soon adopted by the Taylor family of Maplewood.
"My sister Gail always wanted to know about her older sister," said Judy Taylor, now 54.
Evelyn and her other sister, Betty Yasson of Point Pleasant, had been in contact from the beginning. "Betty and I had both been in foster homes and made our own way," Evelyn said. Yasson was about 10 when the family was broken up.
Gail and Judy began searching for their sisters. They finally connected in July 2000.
The story of the reunion was reported in the Asbury Park Press, and life went on for the foursome.
But last spring a fifth sister, Polly, was found. Actually, she found them. Polly was about six months old when the family parted. "Her name was Margaret," Evelyn said. "We knew she existed. But we hadn't had any luck finding her."
But when Polly Hundertmark's mother, father and brother all died within the space of a year, her aunt, Lillian Rankin, told Polly that she had to find her sisters.
"Polly knew she was adopted. Her parents had been very open about that," Evelyn said. Polly, who lives in Baltimore, contacted her daughter, Tracey Jacobs, and her husband, Brendon. Her daughter works with an adoption agency and her son-in-law works with computers. "He began a computer search and saw the story that ran in the Press," Evelyn said. Polly knew her oldest sister's first name was Evelyn and the Jacobses made the connection.
"Tracey called me and said, 'I think we have found your youngest sister,' " Evelyn said. They had a reunion in Toms River with Betty and this past summer went on a trip to Ohio and Canada to see the Taylor sisters.
"But Saturday was the first day we've all been together," Evelyn said.
As soon as Edward proposed in June, Evelyn made the calls to her sisters. She asked Polly to be the maid of honor and her other sisters to serve as bridesmaids.
"It's hard to stop from crying," she said. "In two years I went from one sister to four. I never dreamed I'd find them all. "I always prayed for them. A week before Gail called, I can remember standing at the stove thinking I'd never see any of them again. Now this. It's a wonderful life."
Update on Margaret, Our Baby Sister Found! Posted Saturday, September 22, 2001 byLittlebird Update on Margaret, for whom I searched 15 long years and finally spoke with on March 13, 2001! This is the accounting of how Margaret, re-named Polly at adoption, and her family found us - The following is quoted as written by my niece, Tracy! My personal note: I've spoken with Margaret (now known as Polly) many times and still await reunion with her. My living in Canada has prevented me from seeing her, as yet; I look forward to that day and, restlessly await the appointed moment! My Search for my birth family has taught me many things; among which are patience and perseverance!
"As most of you know, my mom was adopted as an infant--by the most wonderful parents! My mom was told that her birth mother was a full-blooded Native American, and that she had 3 sisters (at the time of the adoption the sisters were 2, 3 and 13 years old). My mother has always talked about wanting to find her sisters some day, but never started the process. Last weekend, when my mom and I were having lunch, she mentioned that she made a few calls and decided that she was going to actively search for her sisters. However, New Jersey, the state where she was born and adopted, has closed adoption records. This makes things more difficult. The only information my mother had was her name at birth, place of birth, the agency responsible for placing the children, that her birth mother's name was Edith and that one of the sisters names was Evelyn. On Sunday, I decided that I would try to do some searching on the web to see if I could find anything. After some time, I was getting wuite frustrated at the lack of progress that I'd made--then I found the posting that started the ball rolling...The posting was done by Gail Taylor (who I now know started the search 15 years ago), who was looking for 3 sisters of a Native American birth mom--the same place and year of my mom's adoption. It said that some were found, but that they were still looking for the youngest sister, Margaret, born 1949 in Monmouth area in NJ! Unfortunately, when I replied to the email address, the email was returned to me--no longer a valid email address. Without knowing where she lived, I came to realize that this was going to be difficult--do you know how many Gail Taylor's there are in the US? Luckily, Brendan knows how to search places on the web that most people don't even know exist. He did some searching that night, and a lot on Monday--until he came up with the big break--a newspaper article from last year when the other sisters were re-united. It had their full names and where they live--good thing I gave up on trying to find Gail Taylor's in the US--she lives in Canada now! I called the reporter that wrote the story, but he was gone for the day and, of course, wasn't going to be in until the next afternoon. We did some more searching and got what we thought was the phone number of Evelyn in NJ--but I wasn't certain that we had the right number. I left a message stating my name, who I was trying to reach, and that it was very important. I tried to call several other times, but kept getting the answering machine (at that time I didn't know she had caller ID, so she must have thought I was crazy for as many times that I called). She called my cell phone (the number that I'd left on the machine) at 9:30 the next morning. The only problem was that I was on my work phone to Russia, and couldn't exactly hang up on my clients. After I got off the phone and called Evelyn back. I asked if she had 2 sisters--Judy and Gail Taylor--she said yes. I explained that we were trying to find my mom's birth family and gave her my mother's information. She said "Oh, my god, we thought we were never going to find her!" We talked for a few minutes, then I called my mom. My mom and Evelyn spoke, and eventually she talked with Gail and Judy. We also found out that there is a 4th sister, Betty (although she wasn't living in the house as a child, when my mom and the other's were). Needless to say, wer're all excited! My mom has 4 sisters, Heather and I have 4 more aunts and many other relatives. The best thing is how much they wanted to find each other! My mom and I are going to meet Evelyn this weekend and I'm sure plans will soon be made for a re-union with all of them.
Hope you enjoy this uplifting news! Tracy"
Child Welfare Law - News Posted Saturday, September 22, 2001 byLittlebird The Globe and Mail, Monday, May 28, 2001 Child-welfare law blamed for whisking natives south The Globe and Mail, Monday, May 28, 2001
Aboriginal children from reserves deep in the northern wilderness are being shipped thousands of kilometres away from home to foster care in the foreign territory of urbanized Southern Ontario.
The number of native children being plucked from troubled families under Ontario's strict new child-welfare law is soaring, and aboriginal children's aid societies in the North have run out of beds in foster homes -- native or otherwise -- for the abused and neglected youngsters. While there has always been a shortage of foster homes for native children across Canada, it is the first time in a generation that aboriginal children are being whisked out of reserves ravaged by poverty and addiction and flown south to foster homes a world away from their extended families and culture. "I can't imagine having an 11- or 12-year-old child of mine shipped off to a community like ours, where we don't even have a native band in the area," said Bob Pickens, executive-director of the Leeds and Grenville Family and Children's Services in Brockville.
Four adolescents from the isolated fly-in reserves dotting the muskeg shoreline of James Bay were flown down to a privately run group home in Brockville -- a town on the banks of the St. Lawrence River near the Quebec border -- from the Payukotayno children's aid society in Moosonee a few months ago when no homes could be found anywhere closer. "You can't go any further south than Leeds and Grenville, and you can't go any further north than Payukotayno. We're a long way away. It's anything but an ideal solution." Fifteen years after Ontario opened the first native-run child-welfare agency in the North to stop the heart-rending removal of children from the only culture they know, the system is breaking down. New child-welfare legislation proclaimed a year ago -- drafted on the heels of inquests into the brutal deaths of a handful of Southern Ontario children -- has lowered the bar for scooping children into care. Neglect now ranks as a grounds for seizing children. And the very thrust of the legislation was altered to make child protection paramount, ahead of the preservation of the family. The number of children that social workers are pulling into foster care has exploded across Ontario -- indeed, across Canada, as child-welfare laws also shift in other provinces. Nowhere is this trend more apparent than in the native reserves of the North, where abject poverty, housing shortages, domestic violence and addiction leave children living in squalour.
In Ontario alone, 5,300 more children are in foster care than five years ago -- a jump of 53 per cent. In the dire shortage of foster homes that has followed, even big agencies such as the Children's Aid Society of Toronto are shipping children to homes outside the city. But none are sending their children nearly as far afield as are the native agencies in the North. And no other agencies are contending with the culture shock of parachuting already careworn children accustomed to shacks and dirt roads into the urban, white-dominated climate of Southern Ontario. For native communities, their removal to the South marks an uneasy step backward to a bleak era known as the Sixties Scoop, when overzealous social workers plucked thousands of children from Canadian reserves and placed them for adoption with non-aboriginal families across Canada, the United States, and as far away as Europe. "That's the reason we went to the government and told them we wanted our own CAS, because we didn't want our children to be taken south of Moosonee. But it's happening anyway," said Gerald Mattinas, a long-time band councillor at the Attawapiskat First Nation on James Bay. The aboriginal children's aid societies -- whose social workers came from the reserves where they worked -- were supposed to end the era of native children landing in non-native foster homes. For years, Payukotayno social workers would remove at most 40 children a year from the half-dozen reserves along the James Bay shoreline, and only the most serious cases in need of professional treatment would be shipped outside the district. Now, roughly 100 children remain in the agency's care, and about 20 of those are hundreds of kilometres away in Southern Ontario group homes, with all links broken to the reserve to which they will ultimately return. "With the child-welfare reform, a lot more children have ended up coming into care, so we have even more children to place. And that's what's put us over the edge," said Marge Matheson, executive director with Payukotayno. "We've been reeling for the past year. We literally exploded a little over a year ago. We've just been coping with the crisis."
But native child-welfare workers say the problem is less a shortage of foster homes in the North than it is generations of aching poverty and overcrowding in flimsy, barely insulated houses that have bred a culture where the abuse and neglect of children are rampant.
At Tikinagan Child and Family Services -- a native children's aid society based in Sioux Lookout that covers a massive territory across one-third the map of Ontario -- all but three of its 32 reserves can be reached only by plane.
The reserves are mired in poverty, with 59 per cent of the population collecting less than $10,000 in income a year, and prices for food and gasoline at least double what shoppers pay in Toronto stores. Few houses are connected to water, hydro or sewage. Suicide rates among children and youth are almost three times the national average. Among the remote reserves in Tikinagan's catchment, more than 100 young people have committed suicide in the past five years alone, with an estimated further 14 attempts for every child who does die.
"When I was up there, I found it absolutely incomprehensible that there was that level of Third World conditions in Ontario, and people in Southern Ontario don't know about it," said Moe Brubacher, executive director of the Wellington Family and Children's Services in Kitchener, who did a short stint as head of Tikinagan last year. "There are some healthy communities. But there are some communities where, from a child-protection point of view, you could easily find every child in the community at risk." Of a population of 200,000 people, there are about 150 children in the custody of the Wellington agency. In Tikinagan, where 20,000 people live in scattered, far-flung reserves, more than twice as many children remain in care.
At the same time, Ontario's child-welfare law militates against recruiting native foster homes in the North. With two and three families crowded into small houses heated only by wood stoves, few people on reserve are eligible as foster parents under a child-welfare law that holds to the Southern Ontario standard of children in care having their own bedrooms.
For many, it boils down to a child-welfare system plucking too many children from homes where there is promise for rehabilitation. "Why should I take a kid from way up North and put him in a southern community? Is that in his best interest?" asks Michael Hardy, Tikinagan's executive director.
"Well, that's our belief right now. The legislation has not been developed in child welfare to support the family. So you see more and more kids being shipped out of communities." Copyright 2001 Globe Interactive, a division of Bell Globemedia Publishing Inc.
|